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August 30, 2006
SORRY THOMAS MAGNUM
After a rain-out last night, the Detroit Tigers and the NY Yankees met this afternoon for the first quarter of an epic two-team double double header, with day and night games two days in a row. Wow!
The Yanks handled this afternoon's game fairly well, with a multitude of hits and a couple of runs. Chien-Ming Wang was superb, however, allowing only three hits (versus 10 for the Tigers) and lasting 7 2/3 innings before Scott Proctor and Mariano Rivera wrapped things up for him.
The end result was a 2-0 win for the Yankees, leaving them eight games in front of Boston, which has been on a disastrous stretch since the Yanks apparently re-cursed them the other week at Fenway. The Sox will be fortunate to salvage an away-from-home-field-advantage Wild Card playoff spot at this point. The Yanks play Detroit again this evening at 7pm, weather allowing, with a comfortable AL East lead. A lot of focus is put on bats as game winners, but this afternoon's game highlight how valuable gloves like Robbie Cano's are in direct comparison to competitor's. A good off-balance throw to first for a third out can alter the entire balance of a game.
Jaret Wright starts against Detroit's Ledezma in about 2 1/2 hours.
Tagged:Posted by Lexiphane at 4:06 PM | Sports | Comments (1) | TrackBack
August 25, 2006
PARK SLOPE IS CLOSED
I've only lived in Brooklyn for about a year and a half. I try to work overtime, meeting and talking to people, however, so that I feel like I've been here a few years longer. Here in Park Slope's late-night demi-monde--and that has to be the most mild milieu ever described in print--there is an afterhours Switzerland named Bageltique. It is neutral territory, where the latest-of-the-late bar customers mingle with impunity among late-shift police officers from the 78th getting breakfast. I've seen raving drunk lunatics get into fights five feet from a pair of cops, but there appears to be an unwritten law that says "what happens in Bageltique stays in Bageltique."
Aside from the curious chaos that Bageltique engendered, the true appeal of the place was that it was open 24 hours a day and had truly glorious food. Its sandwiches were nearly perfect and it had about a dozen varieties of cream cheese, including bacon and chives. The bagels were made on the premises in an early morning process that was fascinating to watch. And so I've switched to the past tense.
I went to get dinner from Bageltique last night; it's good enough to cause fortnightly hankerings that will make you wander a few blocks out of one's way. And then the horror: Bageltique is closed. The Park Slope institution that's been serving neighbors for about 50 years is boarded up, and not for a late-August vacation. I went into a nearby bar that knows the neighborhood's business fairly well and asked the bartender "Seamus, what the hell happened to Bageltique?"--I was fairly hysterical. Bageltique's property has been sold and currently undergoing renovations. I found the new owner and he said it will re-open in approximately two weeks. No answer on whether it would remain a 24-hour establishment or whether it would continue to make its own bagels. In the meantime, cops and the more-suspect side of Park Slope wait with baited breath at the border of Gowanus between President and Carroll Sts.
Tagged:Posted by Lexiphane at 7:37 PM | Food & Drink | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 24, 2006
DYSMORPHIA
Interesting. Gothamist.com links today that women aren't the only people with unhealthy body images that lead to maladaptive behavior. From Reuters:
Previous research has linked the sexual objectification of women in society to disordered eating behaviors among women. During the last three decades, however, men's bodies have also become increasingly objectified in the media.
One study showed that men who were exposed to ads that included a more muscular male image later expressed more dissatisfaction with their own bodies than those exposed to neutral ads. "Men see these idealized, muscular men in the media and feel their own bodies don't measure up," according to Tylka.
In light of such research, Tylka investigated the relationship between the pressure to become more muscular and men's adoption of certain behaviors. For her study, 285 male university students, mostly freshmen, completed various surveys about the pressure to be muscular and it's ramifications.
On a scale that ranged from "never" to "always," the study participants reported that they "often" felt pressure to be muscular, according to Tylka. They "often" or "usually" internalized the muscular images presented by the media -- i.e. believed that the only desirable shape is the highly muscular body type. They were also "often" or "usually" dissatisfied about their bodies.
These college men also reported that they "sometimes" engaged in maladaptive behaviors, Tylka reported.
Men who were dissatisfied with their muscularity, for example, were likely to be more preoccupied about becoming more muscular, which led to their use of supplements and possibly steroid use as well, to achieve that muscular image, according to Tylka. Dissatisfaction with their level of body fat predicted a higher preoccupation with counting calories and cutting off certain food groups, she explained.
Too fat, get a heart attack or Type II diabetes. Go the opposite way and you have an eating disorder. I think Americans have a pathological problem with pathologizing everything. Over the past nine months I've tried to take some sensible dietary rules into account, like don't eat cheesesteaks at 4am, don't feel the need to finish oversized portions at restaurants to the point where one feels ill, cutting down on unrefined flour and sugar, and getting more exercise. So far, so good. I've probably lost 35-40 pounds in the last year.
Still, people who never complained about my growing girth and me packing a double chin at 32 have started commenting on my weight loss, with pejorative tones. Not a lot of people; almost everyone I know. It's not very flattering. The thing is, I'm pretty much at my prescribed healthy body weight right now. Instead of adopting a healthier diet, I feel like I've contracted cancer or some wasting disease. Long story short: one can't win.
Tagged:Posted by Lexiphane at 11:13 AM | Culture & | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 22, 2006
ALL TOO COMMON
NYC is a community of walkers and drivers, but a lot of people choose to ride bikes. Good for them! Unfortunately, this can be extremeley dangerous as exhibited on 5th Ave. in Brooklyn last night.
The cops I questioned said it was just a concussion, but the cops I've dealt with generally are complete liars (those are the cops I don't know). They probably also don't like jerks taking pics of prone bodies in their precinct. Nonetheless, bike riders should always wear a helmet, because drivers are psycho and one can never be too careful.
Tagged:Posted by Lexiphane at 9:26 AM | NYC | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 21, 2006
ALS WELL THAT ENDS WELLS
A few days ago, who would have thought that was possible. The Yanks wrapped up their away-stand in Boston with five wins and and a 6 1/2 game lead in the American League.
David Wells was nearly faultless in game five, but his reliever and catcher totally screwed him, with a passed ball that scored a run. I've drank with David Wells. I've gotten drunk with David Wells. He's a good guy and a great pitcher. I can't imagine how pissed he is right now. A parsimonious outing is a beautiful game to waste.
Not as pissed as the rest of Red Sox Nation. A five-game sweep hasn't occurred in, like, 50 or 60 years. This weekend was a disaster. An unmitigated disaster. Go Yanks! Some nice plays by Lowell though.
Tagged:Posted by Lexiphane at 8:12 PM | Sports | Comments (0) | TrackBack
NO NEWS TOO OLD
Despite the ten-year vintage of the story, both NYC tabloids decided to go this morning with a cover of the return of the alleged killer of Jon Benet Ramsey from Thailand, where he was a primary school teacher. This despite the fact that this story's been in the papers since Friday(?) and Ramsey isn't from anywhere around here. Slow news weekend I guess. Couldn't one of the papers have put the Yankees' amazing come-from-behind victory on the cover?
The Daily News made a half-hearted effort at best with FIRST CLASS CREEP. Meh; there's not even a double entendre there.
picked up some of the slack with SNAKE ON A PLANE--an allusion to the Sam Jackson cinematic piece of jackassery released this weekend. Somewhat clever, but they lose on absolutely horrific photo resolution. Where's your Photoshop guy? Clean that thing up! Let's see if I can extemporize something better off the top of my head. How about:
LOW CLASS
DETENTION FOR TEACH'
BARF BAG (alright, that's terrible)
Come on NYC newsroom editors. Get it together!
Tagged:Posted by Lexiphane at 10:59 AM | Current Events | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 19, 2006
OLD ONE-ROOM SCHOOL HOUSE
Going into its 161st year, The Dutchess County Fair will give more than a half-million visitors a taste of the past in a rapidly changing area. While it took about 200 years for NYC to stretch from the Battery to Midtown, the last decade has seen an explosion of NYers finding comfortable refuge in Dutchess County. The county's seat, Poughkeepsie, was the home of the NY delegation that played a pivotal role in guaranteeing a Bill of Rights inclusion in the Constitution. Less importantly, it was where author Frank McCourt (Angela's Ashes) disembarked on his voyage from Ireland and quickly had sex with some hooker. Welcome to the new world Frankie!
The Dutchess County Fair is in Rhinebeck, about a 20-minute drive north of Poughkeepsie.
Over a half a million visitors are expected at the 2006 Fair held August 22 through August 27. The Fair is the second largest agricultural event in New York State and has become the fabric of family life and tradition. Thousands of family members have grown up coming to the classic, old fashioned Fair year after year, experiencing something new on each visit.
The stars of the Dutchess County Fair are the farm animals. Over 1600 goats, sheep, hogs, cows, horses, chickens, cattle and rabbits will be judged for excellence at the six day event. In addition, vegetables, fruits, home crafts, baked goods, antiques, grain, flowers and more are entered in events celebrating Dutchess County’s farming traditions and values.
Over three hundred commercial exhibitors will display and sell a wide variety of products. Demonstrations such as spinning, weaving and dyeing will be featured. There will be contests such as horse shoeing and forging, husband calling and hay bale throwing, to name a few.
The DCF is a lot of fun and a good chance to eat all the foods you normally wouldn't, e.g. corndogs, cotton candy, fried Twinkies, with a clear conscience, because--you're at the fair!
Wait, what? Husband calling?
Tagged:Posted by Lexiphane at 12:11 PM | Current Events | Comments (0) | TrackBack
SO BASEBALL'S NOT YOUR THING . . .
With a five-game run between the Yanks and the Sox this weekend, I imagine some non sports-oriented people could get bored. How about a half-way sport with hot girls?
Olympic Gold Medalist Kerri Walsh and others of her sport will be undertaking a pro beach volleyball tournament at Coney Island this weekend. Come on, if you fat bastards can go watch some gluttons chug down 50 hot dogs in eight minuts, I'm sure you'd want to see hot girls swatting at volleyballs. Plus, it's not just swatting; it's exciting; it's high athletic sport!, with hot women.
Tagged:Posted by Lexiphane at 1:59 AM | Sports | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 18, 2006
GOOD DAY FOR BASEBALL IN BOSTON
The Yankees and Red Sox are currently in pitched battle, so to speak, in Boston's Fenway Park for the day game of today's doubleheader. Hopefully, the Yanks have more to show than they did last night, losing to the Orioles 12-2, in a game that featured horrific pitching that allowed too many Orioles on base on walks and compounded mound problems with some embarrasing fielding (I'm addressing Alex Rodriguez' 6th-inning error that resulted in an additional three runs for Baltimore.) The only bright spot of the game was the appearance of a new Yankee closer, Brian Bruney. He stepped in at the top of the 9th and retired the side in four at-bats, including three swinging strikeouts. The kid's got awesome heat and I finally could imagine someone other than Mariano Rivera finishing a close game.
GAME 1 RECAP: Well, it can only get better for Sox Fans in Game 2 of tonight's doubleheader against the Yankees. Despite the final 12-4 score, the Sox held it to a one-run game until the top of the 7th Inning, when Boston pitcher Kyle Snyder hit a rough patch. After Derek Jeter reached base on a fielding error, Snyder gave up two consecutive singles and then a double. He was replaced by another pitcher Delcarmon, who gave up another two singles and the Yanks had scored four runs. Things weren't necessarily dire going into the 9th Inning, however. The Yanks led 8-3, but that's not insurmountable for Boston. But final reliever Rudy Seanez had a total meltdown, pitching four walks (two of them walking in back-to-back runs) and even a Boston fan robbed left-fielder Gabe Kapler from an inning-ending foul ball out by knocking it away from his glove. Overall, the Sox were 0-16 with runners in scoring position and left 10 runners on base. Tough to win like that.
Johnny Damon gave several more reasons for Bostononians to consider him a villain. He tripled in his first at bat, then homered and singled, to go 3-6, with 4 RBIs.
The next game starts in under three hours, although the more-than-four-hour length of the first game may cause the second's start past 8pm.
GAME 2 RECAP: TGIF! Last night's game sent the record for the length of a 9 Inning baseball game at 4hrs 45 mns. The fact that the two teams played a 3hr 55mn game just a few hours earlier is no small joke. Just scoring the two games makes "Summer Fridays" a joke, even for an unemployed person.
Boston redeemed itself beautifully after an ugly afternoon effort. The team knocked in runs at will. The Red Sox didn't not score a run until the 5th Inning, when it gained a 10-7 advantage over the Yanks. Tough for them that the top of the 7th included a seven-run explosion for NYC, who would go on to win 14-11. Due to the late hour and energy expended watching approximately 9 hours of baseball very closely, I don't have the energy to get into analysis of the gameplay. I have neither numbers nor qualitative analysis of the players. I'll try to get them out b/f tomorrow's game, which starts at 1:20pm(!).
GAME 3 RECAP: Only a fool would count the Sox out three games down. That's pretty much all I have to say about game 3. Except that the Yankees win 13-5. Yankees win, 13-5! Yet gloating inevitably brings punishment. Tomorrow is Moose versus Schilling. In my mind, this is when it gets on. Come on, for god sakes! Punish my nerves!
GAME 4 RECAP: Technical difficulties kept me from seeing all but the last few innings of yesterday's game, but nerve punishing was delivered as asked for. Jeter's single in the 9th tied the game. Giambi delivered the coup de grace in the top of the 10th. The Yanks beat the Red Sox 8-5 in Fenway for their 4th straight win. A full and crushing moral defeat is on deck in Boston this afternoon at 1pm.
Tagged:Posted by Lexiphane at 1:23 PM | Sports | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 16, 2006
A JOURNEYMAN PASSES
Sad day all around. Actor Bruno Kirby succumbed to complications from leukemia yesterday. Most will probably remember him for his role as Billy Crystal's character's best friend in When Harry Met Sally. The one that wanted to keep the wagon wheel table to Carrie Fisher's character's horror after they got married.
Kirby was a journeyman actor, a character actor, and was superb. He teamed again with Crystal in the City Slickers movies, but he was much more. He worked in several tv shows spanning several decades, including "Homicide", "Mad About You", "Hill Street Blues", "Emergency!" and was even in the pilot of "M*A*S*H."
I'll always remember Bruno Kirby, however, as the man who stole Matthew Broderick's luggage in The Freshman, and plunged him into a ridiculous mafia story with Marlon Brando reprising his Don Corleone character but with an avuncular twist. That itself is an inside joke. Kirby played Carmine Sabatini's (Brando) nephew in The Freshmen. In The Godfather II, Kirby played the man who got a young Corleone involved in the mob in the 1910s. He was the young Clemenza! The scene where Kirby and Broderick wrestle a giant lizard from a mall to the Jersey countryside is reminiscent of Kirby and Robert Deniro wrestling a stolen rug into the latter's LES tenement.
Bruno Kirby was a talented actor that most people may have never noticed outright, but will surely recognize and definitely miss in the future. Thanks Bruno. You worked with the best. You were the best.
Tagged:Posted by Lexiphane at 1:12 PM | Film | Comments (0) | TrackBack
RECOMMENDED TV
This is going to sound stupid, but some cartoons are worth watching as adult entertainment (not porn, ya freaks!). It's interesting that the generations that grew up in the '70s and '80s refuses to let go of a medium originated for children. While shows like "The Simpsons" occasionally addressed political and social themes, the series is essentially tame. "South Park" is basically an animated political cartoon--funnier and grosser than anything you could find on an op-ed page. Then there are animated shows going back to their immature roots as pure entertainment, but with content that is extremely adult-oriented. One is "The Venture Brothers" on the Cartoon Network. It was introduced to me by someone who knows an illustrator for the network, and I won't apologize for liking it. It's on late at night and is not for kids; features a cast including a mad eccentric scientist and inventor Dr. Venture, an absurd villain named the Monarch (he's a butterfly-themed villain) with two hilarious henchmen, femme fatales, and an uberman hero called Brock Samson, who likes to shed his clothes to fully absorb the essence of the kill when he's rightfully avenging slights against the Venture family. Other characters include Phantom Limb, a villain who appears to be a floating torso and head due to the invibility of his arms and legs, Dr. Orpheus, who is a conjurer, seer, necromancer and all-around man of non-science, and the Venture brothers themselves Hank and Dean, who are so inconsequential the name of the show itself is a joke. It is one of the dumbest/smartest/most-hilarious cartoons I've ever seen.
NB: Unlike many fans of the cartoon-for-adults genre, I am not that big a fan of "The Family Guy." It's funny and I occasionally laugh out loud while watching it, but the creators of "South Park" pointed out a valid criticism: it's mostly a string of non sequitur asides completely irrelevant to the plot inserted to make up for the inanity of the storylines and uncreative illustration style. Now this is me critiquing: it's cartoon Dadaism--completely meaningless, created strictly to provoke visceral reactions from its audience (in this case "I can't believe they just said that!" humor), and will likely be largely forgotten or found insignificant in a generation's time. Yes, it's funny to see a little malevolent baby curse at his parents and try to kill people, but for the life of me I can't remember a single story line to any episode for "The Family Guy" except "You know, that one where Peter did a lot of stupid stuff, the rest of the family fulfilled their character stereotypes, property was wrecked, and there were a lot of pop-culture references." Buying "The Family Guy" on DVD would be like purchasing a tape of VH1's "Best Week Ever" or Jay Leno "Tonight Show" monologues for August.
Tagged:Posted by Lexiphane at 4:46 AM | Television | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 15, 2006
COLD COMFORT
Any bloggers out there worried that, "Oh, I don't live in NYC! I don't live in the terrordome that is NYC publishing! I may be lacking some cache for not shacking up in a Brooklyn hellhole, when I got to pitch my latest manuscript, with a weak-ass return address!" Yeah I wouldn't worry about that too much.
The other evening I was at a magnificnent home-hosted soiree that including rolling die and chugging two-hundred-proof grain alcohol fortified in an otherwise classy sangria--so it was one of those class Manhattan affairs. Afterwards, I escorted my hostess to a local watering hole where a bunch of drunk Aussie dudes were getting ready to punch out a pirate kitchen crew from a nearby eaterie for horning in on my two lovely female guests. I like to stand off and observe.
While we were at the aforementioned bar, the tender claimed that it may have been something along the worst night of her life, or so her expression revealed and perhaps augmented by the members of my party absently minded smashing 16oz pint glasses on the floor, on account of gravity and whatnot. My friend K tried to comfort her by saying "Hey, it's not like you're in the Seventh Level of Hell, from Dante's Inferno, or anything." The young woman next to her said something to the effect of: "Oh yeah, I saw that movie. And it was the worst Tom Hanks-Meg Ryan flick ever."
That's flinging a lot of credit at the Ro-Com genre. Sleepless in Seattle could have been fingered as the Seventh Level of Hell, but a literal interpretation gives a lot of credit to the screenwriter of "Sleepless" or trashes a few hundred years of classical literature. Plus, I prefer the Divine Comedy title, for verisimilitude and pretentioness.
But I digress. Not living in NYC in a ramshackle hellhole will probably hurt you. Sorry.
Tagged:Posted by Lexiphane at 4:54 AM | Books | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 13, 2006
DO IT!
Today I get to go to what should be a great event with a horrible origin. Aright, not horrible, probaby good. Okay, great. Good for her. Crappy for us. My friend K is, what? getting on with her life? by going to gradschool down in VA. Good for you Katie! Katie is probably the best person to sit with ever. She makes me want to hop when I should sit. She's a certified nerd--don't try to deny it--and personally generous to a fault. Not bad lookin' either. Alright, she's ridiculously good looking.
So today, I get to do what I want as much as hit myself in the thumb with a hammer, which is to wish Katie goodbye and goodluck. I wish her best wishes, but if I could chain her to Kings County with her boyfriend Eric, I would in a heartbeat. We'll be bbqing this afternoon and drinking sangria. It will be awesome and horrible.
Tagged:Posted by Lexiphane at 9:40 AM | Current Events | Comments (0) | TrackBack
WHAT IT TAKES TO BREAK
(Nick Kroll and Chelsea Peretti)
If you're an indie band, you may want a rep, or an enforcer. Clell Trickle may be your man, 'cause when you finish a show this should be your wrap up to create buzz with bloggers:
"When you go home tonight after this show, I want you to blog about this band; I want you to post pictures. 'Cause if you dont, I will come to your fucking house and kill your dog! And if you don't have any dogs, I'll come to to your house and kill the weakest member of you family!"
That's Clell Trickle, as portrayed by Aziz Ansari. Music-bloggers beware. Ted Leo was probably not harmed in the making of the short film linked to above.
Tagged:Posted by Lexiphane at 8:40 AM | Music | Comments (0) | TrackBack
FOR THE RECORD, I'M AN A**HOLE
Last night, I got the chance to run into Daniel Baldwin on the street--of the Baldwin Bros. fame. He was singing the praises of one of my more beautiful friends--who am I kidding? they're all delightfully lovely--when I interrupted, asking "I'm really sorry, but can I just ask you to say 'It takes BRASS BALLS to sell real estate'"?
He was tremendously gracious, considering that it was his brother that was in Glengarry Glen Ross and not him, which he politely informed me. I replied "Oh! I know! But your brother's not here." That would have been the point to punch me in the face.
Also for the record, Daniel Baldwin is a superb actor, perhaps the standout of the clan. His work in the cop drama "Homicide" was seminal and perhaps responsible for the existence of the HBO show "The Wire." Mr. Baldwin: sorry for being an asshole.
Tagged:Posted by Lexiphane at 7:40 AM | Television | Comments (0) | TrackBack
NYERS COMING TOGETHER
Last night I ran into--literally--one of those classic moments that can only occur in NYC. Running to beat a red crosswalk light on 2nd Ave, my sunglasses bounced out of my shirt pocket. One of a group of five people--three girls and a two guys--pointed out my loss, but by the time I was on the other side of the street, cars were already streaming downtown and it would have been suicidal to run back into the street.
The six of us stood, transfixed, staring at my unfolded glasses in the middle of the road as dozens of cars sped down 2nd. They were totally getting crushed. "Those things are totally screwed" said one of the women. Yet somehow, impossiby, cars kept going by, over, and around my glasses. It was like a miracle! Out of the corner of my eye, I was eyeballing the traffic light, which turned from green, to yellow, and then red. The traffic stopped and my glasses were still in one piece.
The six of us stepped off the curb in silent observance of a municipal miracle. Just then, a bike messenger--for some reason I can't fathom--veered off at a 45 degree angle across 2nd Ave right in front of us. Another woman yelled "Don't do it!" and he screeched to a halt one inch away from crushing my glasses to bits under his tires.
I had to admit, it may have actually been funnier and worth the $5 my sunglasses cost to have seen the bike messenger run over them after holding my breath for 90 seconds. Still, thanks to a few moviegoers for sharing my 2nd Ave. drama last night with baited breath.
Tagged:Posted by Lexiphane at 7:10 AM | NYC | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 12, 2006
SOMETHING TO GET BEHIND
Wow. The Times is really punching above its weight this morning! A second salient article about loathesome politicians in one morning. The second group is Prohibitionists, who if you can believe this, are still being fought against to get booze legalized in some parts of the U.S.
Attempts by Wal-Mart and others to allow alcohol sales in other places that remain dry — 415 counties in the South and in Kansas still prohibit such sales — are meeting fierce resistance from some church groups and religious leaders. They argue that returning to the days when liquor flowed will mean more family violence, under-age drinking, drunken driving and a general moral decay in the community.
Family violence, under-age drinking, and drunken driving are wrong. Wrong Wrong Wrong. Don't beat your wife. Don't let your nine-year-old get drunk. Don't endanger yourself or others by getting behind the wheel with a few beers in you. But "general moral decay"? Hells yeah! If that's a code word for helping getting some sex-action, I'm going to have to break with the party line! Sometimes bad decisions are the right decisions at any given point.
I'm kidding of course. Sexual irresponsibility can lead to severely regretful mistakes. If adults can't make decisions at all, however, they can never make good decisions and wind up not being adults at all. That's un-American.
Tagged:Posted by Lexiphane at 7:12 AM | Politics & Policy | Comments (0) | TrackBack
NEVER BET ON RED
It's hard what to make of this:
This was not a surprise. The site of Pol Pot’s cremation on this barren mountainside eight years ago is collapsing from neglect, its small fence broken, its low metal roof rusting and curling. But Pol Pot, who as the Khmer Rouge leader was one of the most brutal mass murderers of the last century, has become a sort of bookie for those who pray to him for numbers.
For many here in this former Khmer Rouge stronghold, he is the guardian spirit of the Dangrek Mountains, curing ailments and dispensing lottery numbers. People who live here say visitors have plucked the last bits of bone from among the cinders over the years and carried them home for good luck. A casino is being built nearby to capitalize on this spiritual bounty.
Actually, I guess it's not that hard to figure. Aged Leftists sticking to the dream aren't that different from broken ten-time losers at the gambling tables. "One more roll! Someday I'll be a winner!" They never will be though. It's a suckers game with the odds rigged to guarantee failure. Stupid commie murderers.
The article linked to above has people romanticizing the Khmer Rouge. I like to remember them as the quintessential example of strict adherence to Marx and Lenin's founding Communist ideology: a barbaric race to the lowest common denominator, where glasses were proof and cause for summary execution and everyone aspired to the the least they could ever hope for as a precondition of survival. It was a sociological reductio ad absurdum that resulted in the deaths of millions of people. I try not to hold hate in my heart for anyone, but I truly deeply loathe Communists. That may be officially old school, and I may be a bit young for the Red Scare, but I hold it as a personal quirk.
Tagged:Posted by Lexiphane at 6:35 AM | Politics & Policy | Comments (0) | TrackBack
MEL GIBSON FOR U.N. SECRETARY GENERAL
Mel Gibson may be on a hiatus from show business for a bit after his recent roadside descent into drunken jackassery--you know, the one where he started calling Jewish people a bunch of war-mongering Christ-killing jackals?--so he may want to consider an alternative career in international politics.
What? "That's insane!" you might think. Au contraire. If you haven't been following closely for the last, say ten or thirty years, everything is the Jews' fault according to most European and international diplomats. The rise of Islamofascism? Jews' fault. 9/11/01 attacks on the U.S.? Jews. Hurricane Katrina? Probably Jews. Local school board election upset? "Shitty little country"'s fault, i.e. one filled with Jews.
So understand when I was a little confused when I read that Mel Gibson's career was in the crapper for tirading that Jewish people were responsible for every bad thing that had ever happened on the world stage. Having tried to keep current in world politics for the last two decades, I assumed that this was the Conventional Wisdom that people stuck to like a broken record. Mel Gibson isn't a deluded drunken reprobate asshole, he's just adhering to the party line of forward-thinking diplomacy, i.e. everything is the Jews' fault, but it's okay to say that because we once bought one of Henry Kissinger's books. See? Mel's not an insane anti-Semite; he's just being diplomatic.
Tagged:Posted by Lexiphane at 5:24 AM | Total Jackassery | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 11, 2006
SAD ADMITTAL
This may come as a shocking surprise to anyone who's not a minority, but good God, IT IS A WHITE MAN'S WORLD.
When I was in the ER of Bellevue Hospital a few weeks ago, docs and nurses were falling over themselves to treat an attractive young woman. They were definitely going in order of medical severity, but all things considered equal, they were prioritizing by stinkiness. During rounds, when I was asked to step outside, I stood in the ambulance bay and watched as every other person was requested by the cops to move to the chairs at the front of the hospital. These were guys standing right next to me! Eventually I found myself standing alone with one other white guy, self consciously. Then, a doctor walked through the doors and invited us back inside!
This isn't a question of racist cops or doctors. The cops who were ushering people out were black, and no offense to the ER docs I know, but you kids are pretty much the most decent, bleeding heart people I know. In fact, everyone at Bellevue was delightful to a fault, to every patient! I emailed an ER doc today and expressed my amazement at the patience shown with patients. They suck, generally! Bellevue is a general dumping ground for the uninsured and injured; that's how my friend showed up there.
If you're white, however, be well aware that you ARE getting preferential treatment. If you're white, sober, and not cracked or cranked out, you're gettin super-preferential treatment.
Tagged:Posted by Lexiphane at 9:39 PM | Current Events | Comments (0) | TrackBack
TITAN ARUM
You can't see this every day. Actually, you'd be lucky to see it once a decade or ever. The titan arum "flowers" about once every ten years. It's the world's largest flower, native to Sumatra. When it blooms, its leaves unfurl to reveal a gigantic phallic centerpiece that reeks of rotting flesh to attract pollinating insects. Nice!
The Brooklyn Botanic Garden has a titan arum in its greenhouse and the thing is blooming right now. One only has two days to get over there to see a once-in-a-lifetime event.
Tagged:Posted by Lexiphane at 9:18 AM | Current Events | Comments (0) | TrackBack
MUST SEE TV
If you live in the NYC metro area and have time in the morning, one of the best things to watch--as an alternative to the insipid "Today Show"--is NY1, which features a segment that shows up every half hour or so called "In The Papers".
"In The Papers" has NY1's anchor run through the days headlines and backpages of the city's multiple dailies, often holding up the article to the camera for first-hand viewing. The commentary is droll and frequently has the anchor trailing off to sarcastic silence, perhaps with a polite cough. It is hilarious and makes me want to kiss my tv. While John Stewart's "The Daily Show" is the news making fun of the news, "In The Papers" is hilarious because it is the news making fun of the news. It's meta-hilariousness on a sublime level.
UPDATE: To underscore how awesomely under-produced and ad hoc NY1 is, I just heard an exchange between the anchor and correspondent, in which the correspondent characterized airport baggage restrictions as "crazy" and the anchor responded by saying passengers should leave their "Super-Sized Big Gulps" at home.
Tagged:Posted by Lexiphane at 8:55 AM | Television | Comments (0) | TrackBack
EATING THEIR OWN
It's tough to be a Connecticut Democrat. After losing the Dem primary, Sen Joe Lieberman has pledged to run as an Independent.
Lieberman, one of the most well-known centrists in the U.S. Senate, made it clear he's no longer trying to appeal only to Democrats, but also unaffiliated voters and Republicans. Meeting with about three dozen supporters at a Waterbury pizzeria, he said it was "un-American" to make national security a "partisan political football" in light of the terrorist plot uncovered Thursday in Britain.
He's right of course, but it looks like he'll split Democratic voters and hand one of the state's Senate seats to a Republican. The cause of this is clear. The Democratic Party has been hijacked by a bunch of loons who probably believe the plot to blow up multiple British airliners was engineered by Dick Cheney. While the party consistently falters on the national stage--particularly because of distaste with this type of paranoia--the lunatic fringe insists on pushing its candidates in a direction more in line with their dialectic. And in line with losing. If it's any indication of future lack of success, Sens. Ted Kennedy and John Kerry have already endorsed Ned Lamont, the Dems' erstwhile nominee. Good luck with all of that boys.
UPDATE: Got an email from a Republican operator who I know knows a lot more than I do--as does almost anyone who opens a newspaper. Not anticipating this Dem debacle, the Reps are running a guaranteed loser saddled with a gambling/bribery problem before he even gets into office. Talk about putting the cart before the horse race! He's currently polling around 10% in what looks like a three-way, without the hot women, which is about the same as a Presidential assassin for all intents and purposes. My man feels that Lieberman will pull a walk-off win in the general election. You heard it here first.
Posted by Lexiphane at 8:41 AM | Politics & Policy | Comments (0) | TrackBack
THE ONLY TIME I'LL ADMIT BEING A 'LEFTIST'
Left-handed men get paid son. Lefties with one year of college education make 13% more than similarly educated righties. Southpaws that finish college wind up making 21% more than their un-gauche counterparts. And that's adjusted for lefties that make 0% of righties. Ha! Oh!
Studies like this reek of statistical misanlysis. Especially because they can't figure out why the anomaly doesn't carry over for women lefties. I'm guessing it's a reporting error based on left handers' desire to distinguish themselves.
Tagged:Posted by Lexiphane at 1:46 AM | Culture & | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 10, 2006
AW MAN, NOW MOOSE IS GONNA HAVE TO PUNCH AROD AND CAIRO AND POSADA IN THE FACE
You'd think it would be the pitcher who would be off his game after an hour-and-a-half rain delay, but the Yankes fielders are totally screwing Mike Mussina in the third inning of the game. A-Rod blew a double play by chucking a throw into right field. Cairo flubbed a grounder in the same inning. Posada botched a throw to second just a few seconds later. Moose must be wondering if someone is saying he's screwing their wife in the clubhouse. Only Giambi is giving him a break, smacking a two-run homer as I write this.
My friend Johnny is occupying the suite next to Steinbrenner's this weekend. He's a Mets fan! He lives in Boston! F-er! I think I may go and perch in the bleachers Saturday and give him the finger, just to illustrate the injustice of it all.
UPDATE:What a decent game? On the one hand, it cost the Yanks a win. On the other hand, it put the BoSox a game further back in the AL wild card race. Time will tell how portnetious this loss was. Javier Vasquez did throw 104 pitches in only five innings for the White Sox. As mentioned earlier, terrible fielding by the Yanks was costly.
The Yanks return to the Bronx tomorrow to face the Angels, who are pretty much everything wrong with baseball. F the Angels. I have friends who love them, and that's why I hate them.
Tagged:Posted by Lexiphane at 10:32 PM | Sports | Comments (0) | TrackBack
A FEW DAYS LATE AND MANY DOLLARS SHORT
(Happy B-day kiddo!)
Oh crap, I totally dropped the ball on this one--although I was out of town. Happy Birthday to globe trekking friend Sarah, who gave up NYC for a chance to galavant around southeast Asia. I believe Sarah had grand plans to work her way around the eastern hemishphere, but they got lost in turns at surfing school, hostels, and a multitide of hot Aussie dudes (just kidding Sarah!).
So Sarah's turning 23 or something in reality, going on 17 in practice. I can't wait for her to get home, although I'm sure she feels the exact opposite. She won't be back in NYC for long, but any duration is sufficient.
Happy Birthday Sarah!
Tagged:Posted by Lexiphane at 2:31 PM | Current Events | Comments (0) | TrackBack
TERROR PLOT FOILED, NYTs: PASSENGERS INCONVIENCED
Bully for Scotland Yard. They apparently interrupted a plot by Islamist fanticals to blow up several airplanes.
LONDON - British authorities said Thursday that they had thwarted a terrorist plot to blow up multiple airliners traveling between Britain and the United States, creating "mass murder on an unimaginable scale."Passengers waited at check-in desks at London's Stansted Airport after the announcement that a terrorist plot to blow up aircraft in mid-air was foiled. Several airline carriers have canceled U.K.-bound flights.
Passengers thronged London's Heathrow Airport on Thursday after the announcement that British police had thwarted a terrorist plot involving flights originating in the United Kingdom.
The police said they had arrested 21 people in connection with the plot, which apparently involved plans to smuggle explosives onto aircraft in hand luggage. In response, flights into London Heathrow Airport were canceled and airlines banned hand luggage on departing planes, causing chaos and long delays.
No good deed goes unpunished, however. From the same article:
Joanne Weslund, 68, a retired schoolteacher from Hubbardston, Mass., was critical of the way the situation had been handled by the airlines. "It's been terrible," she said. "We are waiting in Disney-like lines. The only thing B.A. has said is it's a security breach. We are told we can bring nothing on the plane, only passport and cash. If there is a threat, people should not be on planes, but how they handled this is atrocious."
Oh the humanity! Like standing in line at Disneyland instead of being incenerated mid-air is equivocal! Wait, there's more:
Travelers were required to remove spectacles or sunglasses from their cases, and those travelling with infants were required to taste any baby milk in front of security officials
.
Sweet Jesus, save us from Big Brother! Listen, I don't know what profile I fit, but the last time I travelled to Europe, I had to remove my shoes at every single airport I went to. You know what? It was annoying and time consuming, but they could have fondled my scrotum for all I cared. You know what I care about? Having a psycho blow up my plane or pilot it into a landmark because he's got a deluded sense of religious or national dedication. That concerns me.
Why do I get the sense that the NYT's would be bitching if Mohammed Atta was arrested on suspicion of terrorist activites on 9/10?
Tagged:Posted by Lexiphane at 9:19 AM | War | Comments (0) | TrackBack
COMING SOON TO A FRATHOUSE NEAR YOU
Possibly one of the funniest movies of the 21st Century is Super Troopers, which portrays a Vermont highway patrol unit of cops trying to bust an Afghani drug ring--nominally--while acting out scenes that contain lines like "Hey! You There! Bear . . . Fucker!" It was produced by the comedy troupe Broken Lizard. Their sophmore effort, Club Dread, was a little weak, lampooning a slasher genre already thoroughly played out.
Broken Lizard returns to the well and its core audience this month by releasing a film called Beerfest about compmetitive beer drinking. I expect weak-to-fair box office receipts and stellar DVD sales. The trailer's here. If pee and boob jokes don't appeal to you, don't bother.
Tagged:Posted by Lexiphane at 8:12 AM | Film | Comments (0) | TrackBack
THE WHEELS GRIND SLOWLY
Remember this idiot? It's Scott Harper, who in a drunken lark decided to jump out of a pretty decent seat and fall 40 feet into the backstop netting behind home plate at Yankee Stadium. The act was one of pure stupidity. The backstop netting is supposed to arrest foul balls from hitting the crowd, not support free-falling man-idiots from four stories up.
Harper rejected a deal that would have let him off with probation and restitution. Now he could face up to a year in jail, so it's safe to assume he's probably still drunk. Shocker: he's also up on charges for DUI and being under the influence of drugs.
Steinbrenner dispenses his own justice, however. Harper's been banned for life from Yankee Stadium. Cruel and unusual? Perhaps. The Boss is unforgiving.
Tagged:Posted by Lexiphane at 7:52 AM | Sports | Comments (0) | TrackBack
WINNING STRATEGY: KEEP RUNNING AWAY FROM VICTORY
Oh for God's sake! I've said this a million times before and I'll say it again: "I could make millions of dollars helping the Democrats win the presidency"--or any half-assed national office. And while I may not be a card-carrying Commie, er Democrat, I think a healthy opposition is great for a healthy democracy.
Yet, Dems insist on purging their most viable candidates from the party. Joe Lieberman was a hawkish Dem, who recognized the threat of terrorism to our country. Many of his constituents were pulverized in a terrorist attack. That apparently cost him his party's nomination yesterday.
Since JFK, the knock against Democrats has been that they're unelectable because of a perceived softness on national security. Guess what? Joe Lieberman was the one Dem that was unimpeachable on that front, unless you want to descend into a fantasyland of "weakness is strength and acquiescene is love".
I can't wait until the Dem National Convention in '08! Perhaps the Democrats will actually have themselve sodomized on the podium by a foreign power. Who won't love to elect a President who's been taped choking on someone else's cock? I swear to God, this is the last time I'll say this: Democrats, get your shit together! You are a joke!
Tagged:Posted by Lexiphane at 12:32 AM | Politics & Policy | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 9, 2006
INNOCENCE & CORRUPTION
Every episode--from the first one on--of HBO's "Deadwood" this season appears to be coming to a head, and yet leaves viewers at a cliffhanger. That's good writing and story arcing. Watching an episode, one feels that one is going to finally see an explosion of violence, redemption, or nihlism, but one is always left saying "goddamnit", now I have to watch again next week.
Sunday's episode was a contrast of innocence and corruption and the easy slide between the two. Law and order justifies murder. Deadwood is a fine town where everyone defers to school children promenading down the street. Crapulousness segues seamlessly into upstanding behavior with the support of loved ones. And a lawless community takes a break from drinking and whoring to indulge themslves in an hour of amateur community theater.
Even antagonist-turned protagnost Al Swearengen (Ian McShane) takes a break from wiping down the bar of the Gem Saloon, to sing a solo Irish funeral dirge in the privacy of his own company. And then the screen fades to black.
Tagged:Posted by Lexiphane at 11:53 PM | Television | Comments (0) | TrackBack
F&F AT B&N
Anyone who's become entranced with the magic of NYC holds--or should--a special place in his or her heart for the novel Winter's Tale, by Mark Helprin. Sprawling and epic, it tells the tale of undying love in Gotham, spanning multiple generations and dimensions. Those who have read the opening chapter will never stand outside Bowling Green and view it the same way again, without thinking of Peter Lake and a vaulting white horse.
While Winter's Tale is his most famous novel, British author Mark Helprin has a new book out: Freddy and Fredericka, about . . . well, I really don't know. I guess he'll have to tell me. Helprin will be two blocks up the street in two hours at the 7th Ave. B&N in Park Slope.
UPDATE: Helprin has defintely made a deal with the devil. Not only is he a good writer, but a fabulously entertaining raconteur. And while he claims he's in his 60s, the man looks like he's in his 30s. I hate him, but good for him.
Tagged:Posted by Lexiphane at 4:54 PM | Books | Comments (0) | TrackBack
GETTIN' OUT THERE
The Lost Coast. Has anyone ever heard of it before? I haven't. But current situations seem like I'll be dead before I'm ever in California. The Lost Coast is in northern California, below the border of Oregon. I've been to Oregon beaches and they are absurd. Unlike East Coast beaches, they stretch for hundreds of yards from the water to the shore.
My friend Andy just posted a set of pics on flickr of a camping trip to The Lost Coast. Great Bejeezus! That place looks like a lot of fun.
Tagged:Posted by Lexiphane at 11:15 AM | Current Events | Comments (0) | TrackBack
FAT & HAPPY
(Photo taken w/o permission from Dr. Chirag)
Sorry for the interruption, but I was out of town this weekend and it was ridiculous. Above is pic of my brother and I at Peter Luger's steakhouse. It looks like we're uninterested in each other, but I think I may have been burping at that moment and Tommy may have been nodding off. Steak for 12 will do that to persons.
The second pic is of the nephew, who got into the car recalcitrantly on his way to his first ever baseball game. I don't know what they told him on the way over, but by the time he got out of the car in the parking lot at Dutchess Stadium, he was singing a song and doing a jig: "I'm going to a baseball game! I'm going to a baseball game!" What a weirdo. The home team won, thanks to a few errors that weren't credited as such by the official scorer.
So it was a long weekend. To sum up: steak, swimming hole, baseball, round of golf, bbq, s'mores. Good times all around.
Tagged:Posted by Lexiphane at 10:35 AM | Current Events | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 5, 2006
WHAT A DIFFERENCE A STREAK MAKES
After tonight's win against Baltimore, the Yanks gained a one-game lead over Boston in the AL East (they're 5-5 over the last 10 games). That may seem inconsequential--and it may be in the long term--but my friend Kelly was silly giddy this evening. I haven't watched any games over the last few days, so I was completely out of it. I asked her: "What the hell is wrong with you?" It seemed like she was huffing paint or something.
Anyone that reads this site regularly will know that Kelly is my Yankees lodestar. Any level of fandom is only amplified to enhance our conversations. Shame on me for turning off YES Sports for half a week. The Yanks are on a 10-1 tear. The Sox are, well, muddingling along, a.k.a sucking. The Bronx has gained the first-place lead in the AL East, as they so deserve it always.
Kel's happy. I'm caught up. Bostonians are miserable (sorry, it's your plight and fortune!) August seems to be working out just fine.
Tagged:Posted by Lexiphane at 3:20 AM | Sports | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 3, 2006
BEAT THE HEAT
The heat index (heat + humidity) says that it's about 115 degrees out. ConEd may or may not have blown your electricity. It's hot as bejeezuz. Going outside feels like stepping into a pizza oven. Is there any relief?
Oh yes. There is. On a similar day last summer I happened by chance on famed chocolatier Jacque Torres' storefront in DUMBO. He was advertising, not hot chocolate, but cold chocolate on the store's sidewalk chalkboard. Cold chocolate is like iced coffee, but made from Torre's shop-made bittersweet chocolates mashed together with milk and crushed ice. On a hot day, the experience is like being lifted to heaven. It makes you want to dance a jig and kiss old ladies in the street. It is sublime.
Jacque Torres' store itself is an experience that I highly recommmend visiting, whatever the weather. It's on 66 Water Street near the DUMBO Brooklyn waterfront.
Tagged:Posted by Lexiphane at 6:41 PM | Food & Drink | Comments (0) | TrackBack
YEAH WE TEASE HIM A LOT, CAUSE WE'VE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT
In a few hours, my little brother Tom's flight will land from San Francisco. He returns like a turncoat prodigal son, having given up on NYC for grad school and then the West Coast. He now resides in the California suburbs with his girlfriend, where he gets to have fun barbecueing and taking his puppy for constant walks where he can pick up poop.
Basically, we're exactly the same. Except, he's employed, has a girlfriend, is better educated, and is taller. They say chimps share 99% of our genetic code. I'm fairly certain the same goes for me and Tommy. Fairly certain.
He does live in California though. Ha ha! Sucka.
Tagged:Posted by Lexiphane at 1:42 PM | NYC | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 2, 2006
POLICE STATEMENT: "I HATE YOU! GOD! I HATE YOU GUYS SO MUCH!"
A godawful amount of money is being wasted on some stupid chick who's sleeping over at her friend's house, because her grandfather is the NY Senate Majority Leader Joseph Bruno.
Police have been on an all-points-bulletin alert for days, even after the 20-year-old called home to say that she was safe. So basically, cops are running around on taxpayer dollars to track down where an errant older-than-teenage-bitchy girl has run off to. For Christ's sake!
Here's where I get bitchy: Rachel Bruno is described as 5'10" and 110 lbs. The only reason anyone can't find the girl is that she keeps turning sideways!
Tagged:Posted by Lexiphane at 3:27 AM | Current Events | Comments (0) | TrackBack
HEATWAVE: INNERBOROUGH VS. OUTERBOROUGH
During last week's heatwave, thousands of NYC residents went without power for as long as a week. Old people died, food spoiled, people broiled; it was a certified disaster. Last night, however, I asked someone (a Manhattan resident) about conserving power, e.g. turning off lights, keeping one's AC not turned onto full blast, etc., and their response was "Why? What does that have to do with a heatwave?", unaware that excessive electrical demand by things like air conditioners might create a strain on an electrical grid and possible outages.
Later in the night, I queried another Manhattan resident [paraphrased from memory and notes shortly thereafter]:
"You know about the blackouts, right?"
"That I've been having lately? Oh yeah!"
"And how you're supposed to unplug as much shit as possible when you're not using it. What a pain in the ass!"
"And forgetting everything!"
"What?"
"Too much alcohol is bad for everyone!"
"I think we may be on a different page."
So, if you suckers in Queens, the Bronx, Brooklyn, and Staten Island think your hardships are getting any type of sympathy in Manhattan, where they remain perpetually plugged in, you might be deluding yourself. They're either completely unaware or are just on a different plane than the electric grid.
Tagged:Posted by Lexiphane at 3:00 AM | NYC | Comments (0) | TrackBack
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